As you may have gathered, I am a fairly perky person in general and would always prefer to walk in the sun rather than stand in a puddle, glowering. So I try not to talk too much about things I don’t like. But I have been moved to compose a short tirade aimed at La Roux after reading this article on that person taken from last week’s Guardian – I know I am as behind the times with this as La Roux’s plinky plonky electro, but do bear with me won’t you.

The thing about the interview isn’t that she’s contentious; it’s that she’s brain cripplingly embarrassing. I am past 21 years of age now myself but I do think that I was more self aware (perhaps having taken Media 101 from Manic Street Preachers interviews) than to spout some of her more ludicrous comments. And in fact I’m not altogether convinced that the whole thing isn’t some ruse to either wind people up, or make her look bad, or make the journalist look bad, or make the Guardian look bad. But assuming it’s the real deal, let’s all hold our sides together as we point and laugh at the worst of the bunch:

• La Roux obviously doesn’t like Lady Gaga, because her album doesn’t sound like Lady Gaga. Because, one supposes, people who make music only sound directly like the music they listen to.
• Tinchy Stryder might not have written his number ones when he was 17 (unlike what George Michael did) but he still gets called good, which is not good, because he didn’t write his songs when he was 17 (possibly). TS’ baffled response on Twitter: “why does la roux care what sort of songs i did or didn’t write when i was 17…..?”
• La Roux hates the way everyone looks the same, and says so passionately whilst wearing an outfit she possibly found in Nick Grimshaw’s wardrobe. Prime time mainstream DJ and presenter Nick Grimshaw. Or maybe it’s more Agyness Deyn. Supermodel Agyness Deyn. Or maybe it’s more Alexa Chung. Style icon Alexa Chung. And etc and etc and etc.
• She is very outrageous and says the things people don’t want to hear, eg made a joke about Barbara Windsor having cancer when she (LR) was 8. Boundaries duly pushed.
• She trots out the “some girls with short hair who might not have been gay (they might have just been slightly quirky) said to me I made it okay for them to look like that” [I paraphrase] story again. I suppose it’s nice for someone to say that to you, and says more about how little of the world the girls have experienced, but really? Eeeggghhh, it’s just so cringeworthy.
• She imagines herself to exist outside of pop (“The public spoke for itself. People don’t just want R&B girls thrusting their groins at them. It gave me hope. People bought the record even though it was fronted by this odd boy-looking ginger girl who apparently ‘sang like a mosquito’, as one paper put it”) even though she’s on heavy rotation on the radio and music channels and has the backing of a major record label. And who are these R&B girls thrusting their groins? Name these girls! Name them! I don’t think they actually exist, do they. They are straw R&B groin girls. AND! The public ALWAYS speaks for itself in pop! That is how things become POPULAR. What does she think normally happens?! That we are all hypnotised by groins??
• And oh, oh my, the constant 6th form references to dabbling in the naughty chalk. “Gak” as well – soooo 2001 Popbitch.

All in all, if she is saying anything sensible (I was also quite ill when I saw the Pixie Lott magazine cover) it’s completely obscured by these very very self conciously “out there” yet very conservatively Rock Star views. The fact that her records are shit is neither here nor there (because as she says, even if you hate the person who makes the record, you can’t help but like it if it’s good). And actually, reading not very much between the lines, does it not seem to you that really really really, La Roux would fucking love to be Lady Gaga?